Hamster it is manipulating, trying to manipulate her feelings. And what about the other females feelings? It's dishonest and I agree.. childish. Aldults should not have to manipulate situations in order to get what they want. My ex did this and I saw right through it, did it work..no. it is a game for all parties, only two parties would ve unaware they were even playing.

And besides how long would this type of push and pull feeling last for the wife. Sounds like a temporary effect.

I agree with AAAA.. keep it honest. Keep your integrity and and be true to yourself and others. Even if it doesn't get the reaction you want at least you can feel good about yourself and how you handle life. That's worth something.

Maybe she already does see you are valuable to others. I don't think thats her issue. One can still know your great qaulities and still not be in to it. And what is a small or non issue to some is a big issue for others and that is fine. We don't know what goes on in her head and that would be a big assumption. Someone can value someone and still not feel that person is for them. It's not that black and white.

I think you have got some really good advice so far and I hope she will come around and want to work this out together. It will take time, as these things do.