Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
My T once pointed out something that seemed so obvious/mundane but has had a positive effect on my life. She said, "No one likes to clean bathrooms".
Connection with another cannot happen through email because the two people are not together; feeling connected when you read or write an email is based on one's own fantasy thoughts about the person, not a result of being with the person in real-time. Connection also probably isn't going to happen when discussing trash and clutter  I can see my husband's eyes glaze over in my mind and I haven't even said anything? Why, if my husband, to whom I have an excellent connection/understanding does not feel good/connected discussing trash and clutter, should I expect T to?
When you are with your T, you need to discuss whatever is on your heart, not try to find out what's on T's heart, not love/hate your house (don't think your house cares?), not grouse about your husband's peccadilloes but you talk about you. At some point near the end of your therapy with T, you'll be sharing how frustrated/angry/sad you feel right then with her. I guarantee she'll care, it will feel awesome and you'll leave the session on a high that won't go away. |
I have to respectfully disagree with you, Perna. What is in my heart is about the clutter because it's about me, and my inability to get my needs met by my H. It's about my inability to be independent and stand up for myself. It's about the child who couldn't tell the teacher she had to go to the bathroom, or tell her brother to "stop it". It's about choices of what to do when I'm unhappy in my real life. It's VERY important.
I usually tell my T how I feel in the moment. She always asks me that many times in the session.
I do agree with you about emails. They are one-sided and do not foster any connection unless the other person emails back. Even then, and especially with therapy, the connection is best worked on in the session. Also, when my T states that I want to stay in my marriage, as I've told her, there is a connection because I know the choice she made. The clutter in my house is a big deal for me. I said "maybe it's not the house I hate, maybe it's my H. But that's because the clutter means I'm not important, which isn't true, because he has a problem, and I'm realizing more and more, that he does.