I can see all sides presented here... but basically I think I have a pretty good idea of where I'm at right now. Just a few details (and I think this ties in well with Hamster's last post regarding her childishness):

1. She recently stopped wearing her wedding ring. She knows that I'm upset about it, does not consider us separated, but still won't wear it. WHen I tried to confront her a week ago about she refused to discuss and I was ready to file for divorce that moment. Tried to blow it off as her taking it off for the gym, but forgetting to put it back on. Yeah right... We went on a family vacation the next day, and she did the right thing by putting it back on so I loosened up. However, since returning, she has stopped wearing it again. She texted me yesterday why I was angry ... said I'm not angry, I'm hurt by some of the things you are saying and doing. She says "I'm not saying or doing hurtful things". I said I don't think you are intentionally saying things to hurt me which is why I'm not angry ... but if you look down at your left hand right now you'll see what you're doing that's hurting me". Surprisingly (NOT), the conversation ended right there... and still not wearing it. This is causing a serious trust issue for me in addition to offending me.

2. In a discussion again that came up regarding counseling, she proved to me that she is speaking out of both sides of her mouth - "If I really thought there was a chance for change, I would put myself through it. but I just can't". So the first half of the statement says to me - "Making this work would be my ultimate option", but the second half says - "but you're not worth it". God forbid you try one more time for your kids, and the man who you said was a perfect husband minus this one issue. I don't need this.

3. Her grandmother died this morning. She wasn't even interested in getting a condolence hug from me. Really? Then she suggested that since it was open casket, that just she would go to the funeral so the 5 year old wouldn't have to see it. Really? First of all, the 5 year old will be in school. Secondly, you would deny ME an opportunity to pay my last respects to a woman who I was closer to than my own grandmother for the past 15 years? I was definitely offended, though she backed off when I reminded her about the little one in school. But seriously... there are babysitters for scenarios like this. She's starting to go out of her way to make sure I'm excluded from just about all social events as well, and using the 5-year old (who can be a handful I will admit) as the reason in most cases. I will remember that during the child support battles! :-)

I did go see an attorney this afternoon and I walked out of there feeling a bit empowered. I'm still not excited about ending it all, and I know as soon as she gets served it will be ugly for a little while and she will make me feel like a real villain... but it's starting to become very obvious where I stand. My only problem with timing right now is her having surgery in 2 weeks, and needing my help for a few weeks during recovery. I'm not going to abandon her, and I'll pray that during this time we can bond and find common ground and peace again... but I'm not holding my breath for a miracle, nor will I be treated poorly during this time either.

Writing's on the wall ... the end is near.