i don't know if this is the right place or not, i just needed to get some stuff out..

i don't really know where to start.. A lot has happened to me and i get very down and end up crying alot.. Sometimes i feel like im slipping away.. Like im not human... Like im just a shell... i really can't remember a happy time.. There has always been trouble.. i am one of seven kids. Three boys and four girls. All the boys in the family don't speak to us anymore and its just the girls here and my parents.. i haven't seen my oldest brother in seven years, second 8 years and the last almost a year.

my second oldest brother use to hurt me.. From three to six years of age.. Then when i was eight it started again.. Only it was this Guy i barely new.. i just got away from Him last year because this other guy got Him away from me.. He's know in jail now and isnt very happy with me.. my friend is always here for me but i get kinda afraid of him.. i believe he wouldn't hurt me. So i know i am stupid for it.. im always afraid he will leave and take whatever sanity i have left.. i feel very stupid and worthless all the time.. Like im not important.. Like i don't matter... i just am tired of everything.. my friend is the only one i can talk too.. i graduated and i was homeschooled so i don't really have any friends.. i just always kept to myself... im sorry. i just needed to get some of this out. It hard keeping it in all the time.. Sorry if this is kinda all over the place i haven't slept in a few days.