I lost my father in January, and we just buried him in June (Northern climate, frozen ground, etc...). He was sick for a couple of years, so I had time to get used to him going away. It hurts. A big part of my world is just gone. No more fishing trips. No more long afternoon conversations. No more big hugs. So many little things that I didn't even think about now show up as empty holes. Sometimes I'm OK and sometimes memories flood over me so strongly I can hardly breathe. I cry. I scream. I whimper. I get angry. I get sad. And eventually the wave of pain washes past me and I'm numb. And then I'm OK. Then it hits again. Then I'm fine again. I have dreams about him, then I don't sleep. His old favorite songs found their way into my head and then onto my iPod. I don't miss him ALL the time, but i miss him every day.

That said, I would never let the possibility of future grief stand in the way of enjoying present relationships. Yes, I will someday grieve if I love, but today the love and friendships are so powerful and positive it really does make it worth it. It's like...I grieve every time one of my cats dies, because I loved them and they were part of my life. But that doesn't stop me from getting other cats, because I enjoy having them in my life. The same kind of thing with people. I enjoy having people in my life - friends and family. I know there's a good-bye somewhere down the road, but I don't let that overshadow the joy of today.