I left and am now at home.....OMG, I feel awful. It was like something was pulling me to stay there and be destructive, that it somehow would feel really good to be in physical pain...the times I used to climb onto the roof and imagine plunging to my death. I wanted to cut and bleed and feel powerfully numb and stand on that roof.....

Just crazy. I am home now. I need to breathe and just get a shower and get to my assignment....be in the present....