I was reading about Forgiveness and "just compensation" at the following website:

Can't We Just Forgive and Forget? #1

It relates to infidelity and why it is so hard to forgive, and how "just compensation" from the offending spouse can make it easier for the offended spouse to forgive.

Then I got to wondering, does this possibly apply to the nature of ALL forgiveness? Even for minor offenses?

A lightbulb just went off for me when it comes to my wife's method of "stone walling" or "silent treatmenting" me for my offenses!

First of all, I don't think that my offenses are always really offenses. They are just me, being myself, and not being in complete harmony with her views, ideas, or plans.

But other times, sure, I do things that are inconsiderate that I regret afterward.

Either way, when she stonewalls me, what she is REALLY doing is "getting her just compensation" in the form of putting me in "purgatory". I am paying the price for my offense by being shut out of her love.

Now, whether I actually did something inconsiderate or not, this form of "compensation" is not actually "just". It is unjust compensation! How does me going through pain for a certain amount of time give her the ability to forgive and move forward? I don't know, but that's EXACTLY what is going on!

So the next time she goes all silent treatment on me, I'm going to have to decide if I actually did something inconsiderate, or if she is just mad because I didn't fall in line with "her reality".

If I really did something inconsiderate, I will say "I'm sorry, and I want to make it up to you by promising to not do that anymore, and take the following steps to help ensure I don't."

If I didn't actually do anything inconsiderate, I will say "What do you want to say to me right now? What am I supposed to apologize for? I see you are mad, and you are making me feel your anger at me, but I don't have any idea what I would do or say differently than what I did. I can't apologize if I didn't do anything wrong. So it isn't right that you are collecting some debt from me through "time served".