so today was the worst si "session" i've ever did for a long time... hurting so badly. the pain never lessens, and i find myself STILL unable to cry. it's just horrible. having really bad self-destructive thoughts and i'm really hoping this is not going the direction i don't want it to: a crisis.. which equals to inpatient.

on a positive note, i finally got a temp job.... but as usual i feel as empty as ever.