It seems like every day I'm getting worse. Even though I can look around and see all the good things it doesn't touch me. I'm completely shut off from the world. Except for pain. Thats about the only thing I'm feeling now.

I am in full on self destruct mode right now. And I can't stop it, not even sure I want to stop it.

My partner is watching me fall apart and there is nothing he can do about it. He loves me and I don't even know why. I make his life worse, no doubt about it. I have put him through so much stress over the years.

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm not sure if I can survive.