I think DH's validation would mean that he defend my intentions and boundaries....stand up for me/us and tell them that he will not tolerate their behavior towards us in a less wishy washy way. Maybe it is that i have lost trust that he will have my back in the future. Honestly, I'm tired of being the scapegoat, and the only way I know how to escape is to not have contact, but I cannot ask him not to have contact with his family.