I've never really done this before, I'm a bit nervous talking about it...
but it feels like my life is in shambles, and my fears are only getting worse.

I'm constantly worrying...
I'm 25 and staying with my parents, already I'm worried that I'll never be able to survive on my own, to get my own place, or that I'll get my own place and just wind up completely alone, or getting kicked out and not knowing what to do.
Even just typing this, my mind wouldn't let it go. I started to imagine a scenario of winding up in some apartment curled up in the dark being overwhelmed with depressive thoughts of being all alone, not being able to support myself, getting kicked out, not knowing what to do, stumbling my way to a police station for help, being refused, and winding up so distraught begging to be put out of my misery.

I'm not suicidal... I've had thoughts of "what if I was to", but they're more fearful thoughts of what if I had chosen to do that, rather than desiring to do something like that... if there's one thing I have confidence about, it's that...

but these worrisome thoughts just get out of control. My head is pounding just thinking about it.

I'm intending to go back to school in September with my family's assistance, but I have no money myself. I have a small credit card debt that I try to keep under control by paying off little bits each month....

I need to get a job, but I'm positively terrified to get one.
I keep on putting it off, putting it off, saying "Oh, I'll get my resume ready for monday" but never do. When I actually look at job postings nearby, I freeze up, I start imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. I'm so poor at speaking that I can barely use the phone.

I need to get a driver's license, but the thought of me behind the wheel of a car is more terrifying than anything else. I've had this ever since I've been a little kid, thinking that it's only just the smallest of a turn, and suddenly we're off a cliff, or smashing into something...
I've always been alone since I was a kid, stayed to myself, kept to myself, barely made friends, barely talked to people, and have been terrified of being in crowds...
but behind the wheel of a car, it's far worse... just imagining myself in the middle of traffic causes me to freeze up. I already wait to make sure there are -absolutely- no vehicles before crossing the road, even if it takes me a long time.

There are so many things I could be doing to better myself...
I could be excersizing, or studying, or practicing something that could give me the skills to do something to get money...
but I just wind up staying stuck in my room - in my bed, 24/7...
I wind up distracting myself with video games and chatting online, so that I don't think about these kinds of things
I wind up staying up all night distracting myself, so I can have some time to be alone...

I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm absolutely worthless.
It just feels like anything I do, I'm going to fail...
I'm a computer science major, and can't find any work related to my field...
or any work that won't make me feel like my heart is going to explode.

Work, school, money, driving, doing something with my life...
I've got so much anxiety and it feels like I'm getting nowhere, like I won't be able to do a single thing with my life...

I tend to distract myself and get myself to stop thinking about these things... and then everything is fine, I have things I love, I can be very positive, I even have friends and someone I love very dearly now... I feel I /can/ do things to better my life...
but it's either I'm distracting myself so much I'm not doing anything or getting anywhere... or spending more money than I have...
or I'm confronted with what I need to do, and the anxiety hits, and I start to get sick... I practically can't control myself...

I just don't know what to do.

And absolutely nothing...
can't get hired
disappointment to everyone
can't even get a response on the last lifeline I throw out there...
I'm done. I'm not going to amount to anything, I may as well just give up

Sorry for taking so long to respond...
I'm still feeling worried that I'm doing things wrong... even worrying about silly things like not responding right away, or making people worry that I did something to myself...

I just couldn't leave off without... well... saying thank you, really... I'm still feeling really weird... really extremely emotional and fretful lately, but... I think I forgot what genuine positive encouragement felt like...

There's all this pressure to be more of an adult, but sometimes I feel like I'm just a little kid inside.

I'm just... feeling very drained right now, it's hard to really think of what to say, but I just wanted to, well... say something...

I have considered therapy, the closest thing I've considered is going to counseling available at my university, if I start up classes again...

I will try to keep up with that, even though I sort of feel that they won't be happy that I've been in and out of there so often, starting up counselling and never following through, going for a few appointments and then stopping, and not coming back because I worry that it was rude that I missed the last one and didn't say anything...

really though, it's just... it feels like there's a little weight off my shoulders being able to put a line out here and getting such a positive response...