Depressingly I tell you I have suffered grief more times than I should have by my age now. It has stages and everyone reacts differently. I become inconsolable and straight into a shut off state. If not sleeping or staring I would be sobbing. I found it hard to be around their belongings and their usual places. I care nothing for myself and simply forget to think about food. Also alot of talking to them out loud (as though above) and sharp flashbacks of any sadness they ever endured has haunted me. This is the intense stage. It then minimises and after several weeks I have been able to eat almost normally and go near their things, further on again though I cry but do not feel the physical pain inside I did initially. It can take a long time for me to fix and of those gone I am now still left wishing they had better lives and had more love, lived longer and wondering what they would be like now. Occasionally I will reminisce about little things but it doesnt kill me to do so. The above descriptions apply to my closest family. I have felt slowed up sadness and sobbing for those not so close.

When we lose others the pain is because we truly think we will never see them again,we dont know if we will or wont but it makes us love and treasure those we have still much more and maybe that is the point. We must give out as much love as we can in our time. If we knew the answer was oh yes u get to see them again, dont worry about what you do in this life... what would good would it do. We wouldnt cherish life as much maybe. I personally believe there is something else out there but no clue what.

I would not push away anyone or anything so I wont be hurt. Cleverly we end up loving and caring again we would miss out on so much if we didnt. It just takes time.