I was just thinking, I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate being thanked. He'll often thank me for cooking supper, after which I will thank him for working to buy the food. It sounds strange to some, but it's a good way of not taking each other for granted. Maybe.

I don't know if checklists are much of his conversation with co-workers. His work day is pretty much mapped out for him. Literally, because he's a bus driver. He already knows what routes he'll be driving, and where he'll be at what time of day, up to four months in advance. I think his primary topic of conversation with co-workers is to swap "stupid passenger of the day" stories. At times he'll bring one those home to me too.

As an aside, that can be another minor source of annoyance. Any time there is a conflict between a passenger and a driver, it's always the passenger's fault. Darned if you can get him to say the driver may have even partially contributed. I can tell him about a mean thing one of my parents said or did, or a classmate from childhood, or a troll online, or a rude sales clerk, and he won't hesitate to say how abusive, unprofessional, or out of place it was. But let it be a clash I had with another bus driver, any bus driver, whether one of his co-workers or some random joe he never met, from a transit system across the country, and all of a sudden he can't give an opinion. "I wasn't there. I don't know the facts. I'd have to hear both sides." It can be maddening the way he'll stick by another bus driver, no matter what, even before he'll stick by *me* no matter what.

He'll say that yes, he appreciates me just being here, and doing what I'm capable of doing. Probably the fact that his first wife, who did earn equal to what he did, but considered it her personal spending money while he paid all of the bills, and then wouldn't lift a finger around the house because she considered housework beneath her lofty self, contributes to his mindset. In his first marriage, he really did have to do it all. And he was married to her for almost 20 years, while he's been married to me for less than 5. But I am NOT her, and I don't like being put in the same category. Is it just leftover stuff he hasn't gotten out of his system yet?

He has stopped actually uttering the words, "I have to do everything around here." He's finally realizing that "everything" means I contribute nothing, and he may not want to imply that. But he still hints at that conclusion, by his conversation. It's one thing to say "thank you," which is nice even for routine things I normally do. But it's another to act like it makes any difference at all that I did it, and sadly, he doesn't.