Hello Charlajustin --

You are having a rotten time of it, and this is a good place to get validation for your understandable feelings.

I pray that I am not bringing up something that ought not to be said, because I really don't know anything about you, your husband, your life, beyond what you have written here. Sometimes we write something in a flash of anger that is not a realistic picture, but it is all I have to go on.

It sounds like you are emotionally abused by this man. We often think that abuse is only the woman and children who are thrown up against walls. From point of view -- limited as it is based only on the facts of this post -- you are

-- trapped in a house with 43 cents and no way out

-- with 3 sick children to take care of, so you can hardly just walk away on your 2 feet

-- with no toilet paper.

If we left prisoners in a jail without toilet paper, the human rights people would have fits.

I hope you will get in touch with a crisis hotline and find out what resources are available for you to deal with this situation.

I have a great deal of trouble confronting unpleasant situations with spouses and bfs, so I cannot suggest how to proceed. Someone has suggested that you must talk to the darling husband, and perhaps others who are brighter about this sort of thing will have some concrete suggestions about how to proceed.

I know we are to use I language that takes responsibility for our feelings rather than accusing --

"I feel trapped when you leave me at home with three sick kids, no medications or toilet papers, and 45 cents" -- but I'm always at a loss when the other person goes off after I say something that the books tell me is the right way to do it.

My heart goes out to you.