He does sound a little like a martyr.. perhaps he plain ol' enjoys moaning? My partner does, especially when it comes to DIY. Loves to play the victim, moans a ton, swears like a trouper and sometimes comes close to having a full-on toddler tantrum! I used to find it amusing, then it started to upset me because it rubbed off on me, but then I figured out that he may sound angry/upset but he actually wasn't. So now I poke fun.

Please do not give up trying to talk, esp as it's upsetting you, both of you as it seems. Forgive me for saying this, but to say things like he is better off without you is probably too strong. You may feel it, but it's very emotional, or it can come over as you wanting sympathy or it's self-pity. He may just be annoyed at you for bringing that up, especially if he loves you and wouldn't think such a thing! Men don't seem to handle that sort of things so well, and I was wondering if it's worth trying to talk again without too much with your emotions? Try and be more matter-of-fact if that's the kind of language he speaks?

I think it's fab that you thank each other for little things you do. If you are feeling guilty about so much, (which I think does contribute to your feelings over this matter), are there other ways or things that you can make him feel valued or share the load? Rub his shoulders, bake a fav cake or whatever he likes that may make him a bit more mellow and less moaning and make you feel a little less guilty and a little bit more supportive. At least if none of that works to stop him moaning, you can let go a little bit of the guilt and feel less rubbish when he's on one of his money/housework talks.

And just a last thought, as I mentioned about the picnic before - if life is just cleaning and money worries, then there will be little to talk about. Perhaps trying to go out, even just occasionally, or doing something nice in your own garden will give you more fun things to chat about? I don't know if you do go out and about, but thought it was worth throwing it in there.

Hugs.