Granite, I'm wondering if you're jumping too far ahead of yourself. It doesn't really help you at all to judge and criticize yourself. Ultimately, there comes a point where one might be able to get to a place of compassion and understanding towards those who harmed us - but not before we are able to allow ourselves to feel hurt and angry and whatever feelings are stored up for us. It's not being selfish, it's allowing ourselves to express and work through what we weren't able to do before. Now that we are adults, we need to work on giving ourselves permission to do that. Easier said than done, I know.