It's that time of the year when students have many excuses for work not done. I do my best to respond with compassion, but I know I have a way of being in the world that can seem intimidating and off-putting.

I was raised in a cold, touchless family, and I am an introvert. I work hard at making eye contact, leaning forward, and the other nonverbals and verbals that express interest and concern, which I usually feel inwardly but just have trouble showing in a "warm and fuzzy" way that students like.

I have a student who hasn't handed in a lick of work all semester, and has been shining me on for the past 4 to 5 weeks about handing it in. The latest excuse is that his grandfather died -- in Octobert -- and he is crying himself to sleep every night.

To complicate things, this is a big guy -- an EMT -- and I feel a bit intimidated when a guy outsizes me. He doesn't ask to hand in work late -- he just tells me that he's going to, never sets a date, and expect that his word goes.

Yesterday, he showed up to give a speech, without the written outline that is required -- on top of all the other written work he hasn't submitted since August when class started. I usually don't allow a student to give a speech without the written work, because it is just a waste of time. The assignment is structured so that a student fails without the written preparation. He was so insistent, and I get so intimidated, I just let him.

I know I was especially cold, in response to his being arrogant and demanding. I also know that just because he is big and an EMT doesn't mean he doesn't cry himself to sleep. Big guys can have big hearts, too.

I feel so badly that I didn't live up to my self-expectations for being compassionate. It's not that I think the policies should not apply to him; it's inappropriate for him to hand in a semester's work in the fnal week. My guilt is how I handled it -- my tone of voice, not expressing compassion for his pain while at the same time saying "no."