I got through work but had just a horrible time sleeping. I was wired and took a long time to settle down enough to get some sleep. I did manage to get about four hours sleep.

I'm wide awake but have been laying here in bed for a couple hours unable to make myself get up and going. I feel like I'm going to cry, I'm right there on the edge of tears but they just aren't happening. I hate when that happens...to feel like I need to cry but can't, makes things feel more jumbled up and frustrated than if I could just cry it out and then try to move on.

Beyond that I just feel afraid of getting out of bed. Feels like something bad or scary is waiting to happen and I can try to avoid it if I just stay in bed. I feel like I'm losing some of my clarity...I can't work out if all the jumbled thoughts and feelings in my head are just depression or if there is some amount of paranoia going on or something else. I can't work out for myself if I'm just dealing with depression at this point or if there are still some lingering symptoms from the mixed episode.

I'm having trouble trying to explain what I'm thinking and feeling. It's just not coming out right. When I can't explain things it makes me feel stupid.

I just feel this raging, bubbling inner turmoil that makes me too scared to do anything...terrified of acting impulsively and it's safer to stay in bed.