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Jul 21, 2013, 01:51 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PumpkinEater
I guess my only thought is that I'm grateful that we talk about this a lot in therapy because by keeping it out in the open, it will never become a ritual for me. In the end, she is a professional providing a service and I am an adult, not a child. I know this logically but in this somewhat difficult emotional time for me, I am learning (slowly!) that it's okay to lean in when someone is offering. However, I recognize that this type of situation may not work or be in the best interest of others, for sure.
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The 'reply' for some reason didn't capture everything you wrote, so I'm not just referring to the above, to all of it --wanted to say that you explain this very well and it makes a lot of sense. I really like how this is something that is done and reevaluated together, as a team, if you will, it's out in the open, etc. It sounds like a really good relationship.
One question came up when reading this: How will you know if/when you've become able to carry her with you *while* you're still having daily contact? What comes to mind is, would you have to do a kind of 'experiment' at some point (say, no contact for a day, then 2 days, etc.) to see how you do, to see if you have, in fact, gained that ability to carry her with you (I think you're talking about object constancy)? Would you sort of taper things down to see how you do? Initially, of course, it would probably be very difficult, but once over that initial major change, maybe you'd see that you can tolerate therapy without it?
If it were done in this manner, how would you know (or your therapist) that it's 'time' to give it a shot? Maybe if you were showing signs of object constancy in other ways, indicating that you're ready?
This is a really interesting topic. Often times on the board, there's a lot of back and forth (and I usually offer my 2 cents) on (frequent) contact vs not. But I'm really interested in having a sense of how the process towards less contact would look like, would work, in what ways it is a means towards an end, how to reach that end, and why. Thanks for your input, PumpkinEater.
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