No, one does not care about fixing one's relationship with someone who doesn't seem able or willing to change but one can change one's own idea of the kind of woman one would like to become? You can become kind and celebratory, even if you were taught not to be.

Children are very much like pets when they're young; if they are hurt/injured they don't have words to tell you so they have to "misbehave". When my last cat got sick, I didn't realize it and one night he jumped on the bed in the middle of the night and peed on us! My husband was furious (thank goodness we had a guest room with our "old" bed in it) but what else could the poor cat do to get my attention?

Yes, my stepmother did the school thing too, commented that my parents "let" me go to 8th grade, they could have taken me out of school at 13 instead (in other words, work and get good grades or it won't be "worth" keeping you in school).

You can't change your mother and her frame of mind but you can celebrate that you are 20 and can now do things your way instead of having to conform to hers. When my stepmother died, I sang "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead", not because she was dead but because I was "free" in a sense from her overt controlling behavior. Took another few years of therapy to understand the difference between what she had taught me all those years (she died when I was 51) versus what I want for myself.