Alright... amidst all that I had to do today, I attempted to set boundaries with both friends with a text message.

I sent my Landlord/Rooommate/Friend the following text message, "L/R/F, yesterday was very frustrating for me. I appreciate your concern for me - its good to know there are caring people out there. However, there needs to be limits on this caring. We've been through this before; when I first moved in, at the restaurant when I went for a walk to be alone since my tooth was hurting, etc. it seems like if I don't respond right away, the worst possible situation comes into mind and frightens you. There are a million other possibilities though; perhaps I'm busy with work, my phone is on silent, I'm with others, doing something else, or just simply want to be left alone. Try to view texting and calling as a game of tennis; once you throw the ball in my court give me time and wait for me to throw it back... what do you think?"

She then tried to call me back (but I was busy and also texting the Other Friend) and so her call was sent to voicemail. I tried getting a verbatim copy of her voicemail (leaving out "Uhmmm" and such), so here's the best that I could do:

Voice-mail from Landlord/Roommate/Friend: "I respect your text message. I am going to be honest and open as you've been with me. I do not agree with how you handled the comment on Facebook. I feel that it was not as mature as what you could have done because it was a one time thing and you could have just deleted the comment. Instead you chose to - I really felt humiliated and kind of scolded. You said that you were learning to build boundaries and confront people. I really don't think confrontation is always the best thing - it was just a silly comment made by a friend to a friend. I thought that it would be okay; I understand that you were upset because you're friends with church and people you work with but I'm not friends with those kinds of people on FB, because my FB is a place where I can be myself and be friends with whoever. Also you just sent me a bunch of text messages saying -oh IDK- you were upset that I get upset when I can't find you. I'm sorry that's just how I am with my any of my friends. If I can't find someone for, let's say I haven't seen them, for twenty four hours and people are saying they aren't answering their phone or responding to texts and you know you say you went to sleep you know you slept for over twelve hours, according to you, so that does make me concerned and if you can't recognize it as me being concerned I'm going to have to stop being as friendly with you and that really makes me sad. I don't think we should text anymore, I don't think we should e-mail each other anymore. If you need to call me about rent or something like that or something going on at the house please give me a call. But I'm not going to want big long texts anymore. Or maybe you can e-mail me. Alright! You have a great day and I will not be texting you anymore."

*Please note, the Facebook incident that she's referring to is about the comment that she left on a photo I posted of myself at my cousin's wedding. A lot of my family members and people from church were liking the photo and commenting on it. She left the following comment, "I'd like to tie him to a bed and stick a twizzler up his a--."

I deleted her comment as well as left her feedback (this isn't the first time she's done this - once I posted a blurry pic of my bowling league teammates and I and someone asked how come it was blurry - and she replied that it was the steam from their v-----s and how I make them wet). Since I just deleted and didn't give her feedback, this time I wanted to give her feedback and I sent her the following message, "Hey, I didn't like this comment because this is a photo from a family event and those are my family that are commenting and liking it. The comment was a bit much for here. I'm actually working on establishing and maintaining better boundaries. I'm learning that not all of my comments or thoughts need to be expressed; most are best kept to myself. A large boundary that I'm working on is keeping all aspects of my sex life completely private and between only me and the other person involved. This is includes sexual comments and humor. I don't mind if you say that to me in person though (unless we're around others from work, school, church, neighbors, etc)! Take care and hope to see you around soon!"

She replied with, "i respect your feelings but am very sad that my humor was misunderstood. Since your FB is something that I cannot openly share, I am going to pull back from communicating via FB. I do not allow clients or church members to be friends with me on FB for just thius reason. Again, I completely respect your feelings."




Ugggh... I think I may even feel more frustrated now than before! She completely changed the subject in her response and made it all about the Facebook comment. She made herself seem like the victim in everything. She also couldn't understand that I don't want her to have an all out search party for me and that I need my space - her response of that's just me and how I am and treated me like I was the crazy one because I can't understand that she's just concerned. It's more of an intrusion to me really! Sometimes I just want my own space - she and I had just went out to eat and grab a drink the night before!

I honestly don't even know where to go from here. She doesn't want texts - so I can call or e-mail (thinking in writing may be better). I don't even know how to address this from here.

SOS!

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Here's my texts to my Other Friend -

Me: I felt annoyed, frustrated, and angry yesterday when I woke up to around five missed calls from you. If you call and leave a voicemail, I usually respond within twenty four hours (same with text messaging). There's no need to continue doing so... Try to view these interactions as a game of tennis, when you call or text me it's like throwing the ball into my side of the court. It's then once I get the ball that I hit it back over to you if I can (return call or text). Until then, just wait patiently as I may be distracted from the game. I realize that L/R/F may have asked you to do so - and you can simply let someone else know that if they have issues or concerns with me that they can contact me themselves to resolve it. I look forward to spending time with you and going to a game soon!:

Other Friend: Who had issues with u? And ui tghough wer goin tpo the game thats y i called cus i didnmt wanna miss it

Me: When I first answered your phone call you told me that she was worried about me and to answer her or call her and let her know that I'm ok. Please don't call me for anyone else - I'm happy to focus on you, me, us when we're together but you don't need to be a middle man. She could have called me herself. I realize you wanted to go to the game - that's fine. Very sorry for bailing out - will have to make that up to you sometime.

Other Friend: I never said that she was freaking cus u didnt answer the first two time i called u n she started saying wierd **** wasnt me logan

Other Friend: she didnt even have my phone tho unless she used it wen her husband wads doing my water heater.

Me: I had five missed call from your phone number yesterday during that time - 12:23 PM, 12:23 PM, 3:12 PM, 3:35 PM, and 4:30 PM. I know you did tell me to answer her or call her since she's worried - because I remember being like, "Oh great... Not this again!" in my head. I'm not mad or disappointed in you - you didn't know.

Other Friend: Yea cus she was annoying nme i needed u

Me: Ok - one call with a voicemail or text will do