Hi friends, Hope I'm posting in the right place. This is bugging me--it's about my mom.

History--I was an out of wedlock baby--mom tried to get pregnant on purpose because she wanted to marry my dad. In 1960's, that's what you did when you got pregnant. Poor guy did the "right thing" and married my mom. He did not love her but did it out of a sense of duty. He wanted a boy badly ( he did not value girls ) and I was not a boy. I believe my mom was very disappointed that I was a girl and let me know early on. Second child was a boy and he got the attention. I cannot remember 1 time being hugged by this women. Most times it was obvious she did not even like me.

Fast forward, I'm 42 with a great husband and 2 great kids. I have a very superficial relationship with my mom. I live 8 hrs away by car and see her infrequently but I call her almost daily. ( she never calls me ) If her S.O is present when I call, she makes it very clear in a nonverbal way that she doesn't want to talk to me--I get the hint and say goodbye. ( my dad died 18 yrs ago ) I usually feel like a pain when I call her but call I do. I guess I just couldn't bare to think that my mom doesn't love me and I just went along in my fantasy world.

Last week, I had a suspicious mole removed from my arm that was thought to be melanoma. I called mom to tell her and her first question was " What did it look like ?" I got the feeling she was wondering if perhaps she might need to look for this type lesion on herself--it was an odd question. When I began to answer, she interrupted and told her SO in the background that she had my sister's boots in her suitcase ( she was just visiting my sister ) and she chuckled! I was heartbroken that she didn't seem to care about my biopsy. I said talk to you later, she never asked another question and we hung up.

I'm not even mad but so heartbroken and disappointed. It is the first time in 42 yrs that I actually realized that my mom could care less about me ( even though I always knew it on some level ). I haven't talked to her since just cause I don't even know what to say or how to handle this. I told my sister of my disappointment and I know she told mom and mom tried to call me yesterday a few times and I didn't pick up. I'm heartbroken. If my child told me she was sick in anyway, it would be my utmost concern. I don't know why I'm posting other than I am so sad and just need to get it out. I have decided I will concentrate on my own family where I know I am loved. It still hurts, though. Thanks for reading.