When I started seeing my PCP, an MD, his attempts at humor struck me as a sign of warmth. I liked him a lot. Now, almost 3 years later, I am weary of his humor.

Here is the latest. My S/O, who is elderly and 18 years older than me, is in failing health. It is very sad, as he is losing his ability to walk. He is not terminally ill, but it's unlikely that he will live many more years. Actually, it will be sadder, if he does. He is very frail, increasingly disabled, and in chronic pain. He's brave about all this and not inclined to complain. I'm heart-broken for him . . . and for myself. Though we don't live together, we've been a couple for almost 30 years.

My doctor was making cracks about what life might hold for me after he's gone. "You might meet a Prince Charming." "Maybe you should get a younger man next time." I'm not really thinking about any "next time." I'm not young myself. I'm not yearning to replace my friend. I grieve for what I've already lost and expect to grieve a lot more, as my friend's continuing illness unfolds.

People lose partners all the time. It's part of life. I expect I'll cope. I wasn't looking for sympathy from my doctor. Still, I didn't expect the flippancy that he showed. Today, I've cried, thinking about the remarks made yesterday by the doctor. I want to tell him not to joke about my life anymore.

I wonder what it is about me that evokes this kind of disrespect for my feelings. He has seemed like such a capable doctor. He knows I suffer from depression. I think this is his way of trying to make me "lighten up." It doesn't seem appropriate to me.

I am very disturbed by the way my doctors speak to me. Both my psychiatrist and this PCP have commented about how I seem so much less depressed. I'm not less depressed. I've just given up confiding in either one of them. I keep my appointments just to get the prescriptions that I need. I dread seeing them.

In the fall, I will be eligible for Medicare. Then I can go elsewhere for my healthcare. Yesterday, I left the doctor's office very dispirited. I want to say something about how this affected me, but I'm afraid. He will probably just get defensive and say I take things the wrong way. So I'll say nothing. In the past, I've wished that I would not be alone with either of my doctors, but I don't have someone that I can take with me.

I'm very depressed and have no one that I trust to talk to. I feel very sad.