I don't like the word "episode", but yesterday I guess I had an episode. It was just one of those rage-tastic types of days.

I kind of flipped out on my two year old and felt like literally the worst person in the world. All I kept thinking was that THIS is going to be her first memory of her life and when she grows up and people go around saying "hey what's the earliest thing you can remember?" She's going to say "Oh yeah, I remember my mom spazzing out on me and (doing something that I'm even too ashamed to say)".



Part of me wanted to call my sister in law to pick her up... like immediately. And literally go to the hospital. I don't think I've ever been closer to legit WANTING to go. But then if I called her I would have had to tell her what I did. And then I was afraid she'd try to take her away permanently. So it's one of those things. I can't even tell you how conflicting it was. Still is, really, if we're being honest.

I'll say that I did end up taking her to my parents house (although it was pre-planned really) and then I drove around for a few hours.

I'm trying SO hard to hold it all together and not let especially my daughter see me like that.

Ugh... I need to go back to sleep. I give up.