Whether you "use the concept of forgiveness" in your life or not is simply semantics.

You have forgiven people. You just call it something different. And you use different terminology to describe the mechanics of it in your mind.

Your description seems to indicate that you never forgive anyone of anything. You simply see that stripe on them forever. But you DO focus on their silver linings. That IS forgiveness. It's just semantics. Forgiveness is the choice to focus on the silver linings and stop focusing on the bad stripe.

Forgiveness takes time when you have been wronged. Just as focusing on the "silver linings" takes time. It is a process that you go through. When you are deeply wronged, as you say, you don't INSTANTLY begin focusing on their silver linings! That's what you do AFTER forgiveness.

As for the website you say I should be careful of, I see your point. BUT again, I think it is all just semantics, or perhaps a perspective. If you choose to step outside the relationship, and look seriously at the mechanics of how relationships actually work, I think you will see that there is a lot of truth in what he says. Is it self serving? Only in the way that all relationships have a give and take balance that makes them work, whether you want to recognize that or not. It is reality. People choose their mates on a number of factors, some of which are conscious and some subconscious. But many of these factors are self-serving, if anything, self-serving on how your spouse "makes you feel".

When infidelity occurs, a major bite is taken out of those factors. If both parties want to rebuild the relationship, then those factors have to be rebuilt. The author of the site is simply getting down and dirty and analyzing those factors. Some people may not want to know. Some may even take offense, or even get defensive. But it is all quite simply the honest truth.