Hi Briana,
My heart goes out to you over how hard things have been for you, especially the last few months. I know from personal experience that it is such a hard, overwhelming thing to be diagnosed bipolar as a teen, and on top of this you have had many losses that are making it even harder. I went through many of the same feelings when I was diagnosed at 18 and I was still blessed to have my mother. I can't imagine how hard this must be without her if the two of you were close.

That being said, please take care of yourself and make yourself your first priority right now. I know as a woman that it's easy to want to seek comfort in a man, but your boyfriend cannot be responsible for your happiness - it's unhealthy for both of you. I'm sure it hurts to hear that, maybe it even makes you angry, but you can't depend on or seek your happiness in others - any good therapist will tell you that. Maybe one day down the road when you are healthier the two of you can be together - maybe not. Right now, I believe (from personal experience) your focus should be on just recovering from this low point in your illness in order to be able to become a healthy, functioning adult. If you continue to pine over the loss of your relationship, it will only be focusing on the negative and bringing you down. Besides, do you really feel like he has your best interests at heart if he broke up with you because you are sick? That's like blaming someone for getting the flu. How supportive and encouraging can he be if he ended things right when you went into the hospital? Only you can answer these questions, but remember that maybe this could all be for the best so that you can move on and find someone who loves you for you - warts and all, because that is real love, not conditional love.

It sounds like the best option from your pro's and con's list is to move back in with your dad. As much as it sucks losing your social life, it also seems like you could be currently surrounded by some toxic, unhealthy elements right now (alcohol, drugs, roommates who feel like being a true friend is akin to babysitting - what kind of a friend is that?!) and getting away from those things will help you find stability and get healthier so you can find real friends who don't walk away from you in a crisis. If the friends you have now are true friends, they will come visit you at your Dad's. Maybe staying with your dad will help the two of you mend your relationship and recover from the loss of your mom together.

Whatever happens, you are NOT A WASTE OF SPACE - YOU ARE VALUABLE - YOU ARE LOVED! Don't let your illness lie to you and tell you these things are not true! Speak aloud positive affirmations that you DO matter, you ARE worth it, and you CAN get through this. Look at what you've conquered and survived so far! Today is just another day, just keep breathing. I am thinking of you.