So, when I was 2 I apparently banged my head against the wall, and had meltdowns. The reasons why are unclear, to my knowledge. I was interested in only my interests, and not interacting with other people my age (this was in preschool) I had motor skill delays which prevented me from learning how to swim or ride a bike. I had sensory issues like certain sounds that would irritate me (when I was 3, kids were singing happy birthday, and the notes of the song irritated me so much I threw a major fit, which caused me to get kicked out...and again in another preschool) I was dxed AS and ADHD when I was 4, because of that. Certain smells like certain types of paper or metal irritated me so much I couldn't eat around them, or else I felt like I would throw up. To this day I have OCD like symptoms if I touch something that smells unpleasant to me, I feel like I have to wash my hands immediately, and I am sensitive to loud noises. I took things like criticism personally because I'm assuming a part of the brain didn't register it fully - so I had meltdowns because of it. In school, I was hyperactive to the point where I was almost out of control, through second grade. I don't know why this was the case, while at home, I was fairly neutral - I suspect an anxiety of some sort had to do with this. I was on 30mg of adderall from ages 8-12 which made me rapidly mature and calm down. I had to start attending a special education/behavioral needs private school ever since I was 9 because according to my mom, "I couldn't function at public schools, my anxiety was so bad I was $#%^ myself every morning since the fourth grade, and if I stayed I probably would have become retarded or killed myself". Draw your own conclusions from that. I wouldn't say my social issues were that bad (from what I remember), although kids at public schools usually thought I was weird, but that was mostly because teachers treated me like an autistic, and I apparently needed an aide in elementary school (grades K-4) because "teachers and the public school board didn't know what to do with me". I did ok in private school (elementary) socially, I made some friends and people generally had nothing bad to say about me - and I didn't really need any special accommodations other than mild speech. Also, three years ago, I developed a tic where I blink and move my eyelids to the beat of a rhythm. But the funny thing is, I can control it, in public, or even alone - it just occurs when I get stimulated. I was wondering if this had to do with AS, ADHD, or some type of anxiety or OCD. It developed at a really dark time in my life, so it must have to do with some type of anxiety.

However, looking back now, my AS traits have really diminished, to the point where I was getting re-evaluated for AS a year ago (I don't remember where, but it wasn't by my shrink) and I was denied within 5 seconds. The only things that really stick out to me are the intense interests (which are really differentiating, by the way - I think my interests have been expanding lately, so I'm not so sure about this), and the sensitive hearing/slight sensory issues, and maybe the fact that I look younger than my age - and unless I'm misinformed, some cases of ADHD also have sensory issues? I don't always like change because of anxiety - but I can tolerate it and adapt, I don't usually melt down, I rationalize it. I've also learned through self reflection that my thinking has gotten very abstract - something that AS people have trouble with (so I've heard). I know that AS is something you can't outgrow. But I think the things that REALLY explain my social awkwardness stem from anxieties and depression and other things that made me lose interest in life, which left me with barely anything interesting to talk about with people, blah...I'm going on a tangent. Bottom line is I intuitively feel that if I become more balanced as a person, to the point where I'm actually comfortable with my interactions. I've read on message boards that a lot of people with AS can get really good at the socializing thing, but it always seems to take a big toll on them, and they have to withdraw into their habitat of special interests and stems and potential meltdowns, etc. I don't see this happening to me. So is it possible that I wasn't really AS at all, and had a some considerable ADHD dx, or some weird *** case of GAD or some novel anxiety disorder? A weird combination?