I see you have covered quite a bit here. But I was drawn in to read it all because of the "Bills" issue that you started the thread with.

One thing that I REALLY wish my wife would do is get involved with the bills. No, I don't mean writing the checks and purring them in the envelopes, etc. I mean looking at how much we spend and how it is too much.

When I make little comments about how we have this bill or that bill, or that we are spending too much, it is actually just a statement that WE don't have a money tree. If there is something you want or need, we need to have that figured into the budget.

The problem was, I was the only one ever looking at the budget. Or even trying to MAKE a budget.

So then ANY comment I make about money was interpreted as "I am your daddy. Here is your allowance. You are spending too much. We can't afford that..." That was very offensive to her. And for good reason! But then she would turn around the next day and go buy some new throw pillows. Or I would get home from work and she'd say "I really don't feel like making dinner. Let's eat out tonight" to which I would say, "OK honey". But then make more money comments the next day.

All I was ever looking for was some personal ownership in the same financial issues that I was facing. SHARE in the financial burden. Not by going out and getting a job, but by sitting down with me and looking at the actual numbers so that we can agree what our target spending limits were. It does no good for me to make a budget that she pretends doesn't exist, and then have her upset that all I do is talk about how we can't afford this or that.

Anyway, I finally got her involved in the budget. And no, that doesn't mean giving her $20 to have to spend however she wishes. That's an allowance. That's degrading. Now, she sees the same numbers I see. She pays the same bills I pay. And if she wants something not in the budget, she has to figure out where it is going to come from, just like I do.

The result has been great! I thank her for making dinner more sincerely, because we both know that the real reason is that we saved money! We both know we are working toward a goal of getting out of debt so we can take a vacation together.

This relationship issue of money and control can be a real killer between a man and a woman.