I wish I had an answer for you. I was depressed my whole life but kept holding out hope that one day things would get better. Now I am not depressed anymore but still search for joy. I don't know where to find it. I am content with life, but I don't do anything. I want more, but I don't know what that looks like after a lifetime of unhappiness. so I may not have an answer, but I have a hug for you.