Forgive my rambling in advance. I know one thing is absolutely true, only people who have bipolar disorder can truly understand someone else with the disorder!

That unfortunately includes Pdocs. Yes I am with the same one.
What is that saying .... You are ..... If you keep doing the same thing over and over but expect different results.

I am not getting a slice of understanding here in the non-Internet world. I guess I just want to hear (read) I know exactly what you mean.

I will start with my PDOC. I want to know if I am expecting too much. I called him last week and told him vacation backfired. I came back more depressed and grief sickened. He listened then said see you in the future. Future, what does that mean ?
Friday morning I texted him, I am incredibly depressed and hopeless, the meds aren't helping. Do you have any ideas ?
Saturday morning rolls around with no answer. I am a bit mad.
I text him as if he answered me and say, THX I WILL TRY THAT
Within 2 minute he texts back WHAT
Then the house phone rings, it is him, my cell rings twice. I text back sorry wrong person.

If he can take that much time to yell at me, could he have answered my original text about meds ? I called him this morning
told him I am up to 800mg seroquel daily from 350mg and it is not helping. No answer yet, I know he won't call. To anyone new to this illness you have to become your own doctor.

Does anyone have an understanding spouse or significant other ?
If you do I envy you. Mine just keeps yelling at me, why are you depressed, why are you crying ? You think everything is about you ? Water the flowers, feed the animals, clean up, make dinner, why are you in bed again ?

Needless to say the wind is out of my sails (again). The weight/health transformation is not going to start now. I am just trying to stay alive, why, I am not sure ! This feels like hell

If you really feel this way, then you should find a new doctor ASAP. However, even the best, most attentive doctors have lives outside of us, as well as other patients who also deal with their own crises. However, when I read this:


I got the impression that you didn't answer his calls, and instead texted him back that you were replying to someone else. Not only does that behavior come across as passive-aggressive, it is also dishonest. This is someone you should trust and feel able to be completely honest with - including the fact that you are upset and hurt by the fact that he did not reply sooner. By not telling him that you were disappointed by his delayed response, you are just communicating that he is meeting your treatment expectations. As far as he knows, he hasn't done anything wrong. This is setting you up to be let down again - he can't know that you were displeased by his choice in how to reply to you if you don't tell him, and if he repeats this behavior you will feel hurt again, and most likely even more angry with him and he will have no idea that you're upset or why.

Also, are you seeing a therapist? Most PDOC's do meds only, with the primary coping skills and support being provided by a therapist that you see regularly to learn the day to day coping skills. If you have a therapist, contact them for ideas on how to cope in the middle of a crisis. Your PDOC will typically not get involved in daily crisis issues unless it is the kind that relates to medication changes/side effects, a suicide attempt or hospitalization. Your therapist is the person who can help you find coping skills outside of medication, perhaps your doctor responded in the way he did because he believes you are in therapy and does not see this in his jurisdiction of the treatment plan. I'm sure he means well, but playing games by texting a response to make him notice you is not going to get you help. It is just fueling your frustration.

I would recommend trying to find another PDOC that you truly trust to tell them if you are unhappy with their approach to your treatment. You must be your own best advocate for health, including when to decide you might need a different doctor. If your doctor is a good doctor, he should be open to you telling him that you were unhappy with his response and the delay in replying. You need to be able to make your expectations clear, or he will not know whether he is meeting your needs as his patient. If you can't admit this to him, then you won't be able to trust him enough to make actual progress. If you are not in therapy, I recommend you find a therapist as soon as possible.

I hope that you hear that I am not trying to judge you in any way. You deserve to feel supported by your doctors, but you also need to be 100% honest with them so they can do that. I truly wish you the best in finding the support you need. I hope you start to feel better soon!