Oh, I had to give up on maintaining appearances long ago. It's kind of like when I regained the ability to cry after years of not being able to. I noticed that if I try to hold it in, then when it forces its way through, I'm going to be far MORE of a blubbery, incoherent mess than I would have been if I had let it out naturally. I've also observed this tendency in other people, be they man, woman, or child. Generally, if they let themselves cry when they need to, they can still have reasonable control. Their speech may be distorted a little, but it will be understandable. On the other hand, if their emotions fought their way out with a battering ram, then they're going to have red, swollen faces with their mouths twisting every which way, be gasping for breath, and have a hard time speaking clearly. This helped me conclude that the convolutions involved in holding it back make me look even more socially awkward and uncouth than I would look letting it out.

Similarly, I cannot hide my quirks and neuroses, and trying to do so makes me seem more neurotic than just being who I am does.