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Just wondered if anyone had any suggestions for me? I see a therapist usually every week, and Thursday is my last apt with him until September. At the same time my case worker, who has been my rock through the last few months, is away for four weeks for surgery. She'll be back near the end of August.
Last thursday I had a hard session with my t. He started talking to the 9 year old, who is so angry. She is the angry protector, and is hiding what happened to me when I was 8 (still no idea what actually happened) at school. Anytime we get close, she will lash out and say as many hurtful things as she can so that people will leave me alone. Anyways, I was afraid to be rude to him, so I started censoring some of what she said, and then ended up answering for her at the end bc she was too angry.
Afterward, he mentioned that he thinks I'm keeping memories from him bc I am too embarrassed to tell him (which wasn't true, I actually can't remember anything, just very vague thoughts, etc). He also mentioned my feelings towards someone (family member) might change over time and I might learn to be angry with him, instead of being loyal and protecting him. the 9 year old was sooo mad after the meeting, and now distrusts him completely, and keeps telling me that she is only willing to talk to him if I'll let her say exactly what she wants.
The problem is, I'm afraid of this for a few reasons. I know she will not be helpful. In fact I know she will be as difficult as she can, to try and find out whether he's trustful, or whatever. And she will be rude (she was going to call him a disgusting old man last week, but I wouldn't let her). And I'm afraid if I become difficult he will not want me as a patient anymore, bc that has been my experience in the past when things get harder.
But I need to know what happened, and who it happened with, in order to move on and heal. So in a way, I need her to trust me at the very least.
Okay, this is really confusing, I'm hoping that other people with the diagnosis might understand more than people who hear it and think I'm just crazy-thinking.
My question I guess is: What would be the best use of my time with him this week, before he's away for an entire month.
Aside from medication questions, those are really my biggest worries...
Thanks,
IJ
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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher
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