I would be having the same thing of considering to find some heroin in his room and I've never tried it either - I just totally get it - any relief - any small connection with him. I layed in my boys bed crying while he was in rehab & jail, terrified for his life. Then he relapsed right when he got home, around when I met you & your sons tragic death. I felt such a connection to you and him. I prayed to J and could swear his presence was there in the courtroom and helping my boy get clean he's of meth & heroin since January. I'm sobbing just writing this - feeling pretty crazy lately & sorry I can't be on here so much. My attention span is shot. But I want u to know I was grateful & relieved to see u posting & still "here". I feel it through my soul that J wants u to complete ur life journey, ur path is there it's just dark and hard to see right now. Thank u for being alive. Sending love & hugs & prayers ur way
Regarding pdoc - if there's anyway pls find a new one. It's like he's too comfortable with u & should be more professional. Like a stale relationship that's run its course. Just my 2 cents about pdoc.
Love u lady.