I would agree with my bff, my T is attractive. Not Damn he is hot attractive, like apparently he is to my friend, lol.. But, a good looking man none the less. However, he is my T.. in in my mind who has been betrayed by so many men.. I just kind of put him in not a man, not a woman, just T. So, the attractive thing is never really in my mind unless somebody else brings it up!

I do think that it was helpful to go there... But, like I said, I am still processing it all. It was neat to have T there and help me with the feelings that are always associated with that trauma that I was starting to feel. Reminds me that it might have been a scary thing then, might of been a shameful thing then. But I am not in that situation now. Shame doesn't belong to me, the fear is understandable, but that I was safe in that time and place.

My goals from this were to feel more connected with my feelings that go along with the trauma and the hope that it might jog up some memories, more specifically to remember in the first person, not in the third person which are all my memories now are seen! Hopefully, that will happen!