My boyfriend is perfect. Absolutely perfect... He is the sweetest guy, really funny, caring, he has a good start to his life and is looking forward to getting married and starting a family, and not to mention he is extremely attractive! I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. The best part is he loves me back, he treats me like a princess and I wouldn't trade him in for the world.

And then there's me..
A fat and hideous girl, suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

I've only recently (as in only a month or so) been officially diagnosed, but I've been a sufferer for a few years now. I also (probably-never officially diagnosed but my doctor and family both suspected) had OCD as a child, which I still have, it goes hand in hand with BDD in a lot of cases. I also have social anxiety as a result of my BDD.

I can't always hide my down moods, but to the untrained eye (that is, one that has no clue BDD even exists) I'm excellent at hiding the reason. No one knows I have this besides my mum and dad. Dad only knows that that is what I have, he doesn't seem to have the slightest clue what it is. Mum sort of knows, I haven't talked to her in depth. When I showed her a website she just said "that's you". Whenever I say something bad about myself she just tells me ro "stop thinking that" or something, which is NOT the response I want. If I could just stop thinking this way I would! If it were that easy I wouldn't be in pain. Not even my brothers know.

So I'm pretty lonely here, I have no one to talk to about this. My main concerns are that the person I tell won't take it seriously, as BDD is often just regarded as vanity to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.

I can trust my boyfriend with anything, this isn't a trust issue. I'm worried that he won't take me seriously. Another big thing is I just don't want him to worry about me. I don't want him realizing how "damaged" (as my mum once referred to me as) I am. He knows that I think bad of myself, as much as I try to hide my condition it really is a part of me. He always tells me I'm pretty, amazing, beautiful, perfect etc. He tells me to stop saying I'm ugly because I'm not and I never will be. He tells me he loves me just the way I am and nothing will change that.
I don't deserve him. I want to believe him, I want to believe every compliment I get. But I can't. I feel horrible that he tries so hard, yet I can't change my thoughts. It does mean the world to me to hear him say things like that though, but at the same time it crushes me. I know that what he says isn't true, and that one day he'll realize that.

I've heard of so many cases of the boyfriend getting sick of dealing with a girlfriend with BDD. It just becomes too much for them, they can't take it. Maybe they even slowly start resenting them. I don't know, I just know I've seen many posts over my Internet research about a boyfriend that just doesn't know what to do anymore. Maybe if I keep my condition to myself, maybe it'll be like its not even there. Maybe if I don't tell him it won't be an issue.

I also don't want him to feel helpless. I don't want to tell anyone because if they can't do something to help, it'll get to them. I'd rather not put the people I care about through that.

This relationship is one of the only things that make me happy. He always knows the right thing to say and can always cheer me up, sometimes without even realizing. I'd hate for him to put any sort of blame on himself. Because naturally, I can't shake that horrible thought of me not deserving him, the thought of disappointing him, the thought of me keeping him from finding someone beautiful and really, I don't want him to know how torturing my mind is. If he finds out this I'm worried that he will put himself down for whatever reason.

I just don't want to lose him. I'm terrified that one day my BDD will tear us apart, as it seems to for others. Any advice, or experiences with this would be great! Should I tell him? I mean, I probably will one day. How do I even bring it up? I'm also scared that he will feel like I'm hiding it, which I guess I am but it's in his best interest. I don't want him to have to deal with this. Argh!
I won't see him in person for about a month (he's away with work) and its not really something I'd spring on him over the phone. Especially when it's adding on to the stress from work. I haven't seen him for maybe 2 months either so it's not something I'm going to drop on him when we finally get to be together again.

I don't know what to do. Some times I feel like I need to talk to someone (I'd love it to be him) I guess I'd like to know I have a shoulder to cry on (literally :/) but other times I just think no it's not fair to him. I have to deal with this but he doesn't. And of course the fear of just coming across as vain. I just want to do the right thing .

Any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!