What you said makes sense, and I suppose I should see them...
It feels like I should work myself up to it... it feels like part of me doesn't want to... at least to the point that it's hard to make a direct commitment like... "I'll go tommorow!", I don't know if I can...

I looked at some of the threads for work... and it's reassuring to see people with similar feelings to my own...
It's reassuring... I feel oddly calm right now, thinking about it...
One of the things that I always hurt myself over, that was like a poison to my self esteem was that "What is wrong with me that I can't be like other people, and can't just -do- these things"
The delusion that it's me and me alone that feels like this...
At my worst it felt like I was wrong, that this world was meant for normal people and I was some sort of freak...
that I was just completely alone...

I want to sob and let out all my feelings, and... darn it... I want just a tiny bit of sympathy... I want someone to tell me the world isn't as cold and cruel and heartless, and that I need to "toughen up"...

Ever since I was young, I wanted to be able to run for more than a few steps, to be able to be active... to be physically fit... to not be laughed at every time I try to take part in something, to not be dead last, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, I can't improve.

It feels like that.. like I'm stuck, like I can't change, I can't improve...
and for the past few years, it's been driven into my head that I have to do this all alone... I have to sort out my issues alone...
that if I complain, I'll be told how others have it so much worse, or that I'm just being silly...
if I'm depressed, it just makes the people I talk to depressed to the point they don't want to be around me anymore...
if I have an issue, if I share it, I'm "weird"...
if I ever express anything negative, or -need- something.. or need support, then I'm a bad person for doing it, that I'm just grabbing for attention, or being selfish or an attention-hog, or just being unlikable.

That's how I wound up thinking... I wound up giving up hope, and having the bleakest outlook, and..
I was just so absolutely stunned to see genuine, positive, unassuming non-judgemental feedback... when... everything I said made me feel more and more miserable, because of how I thought I was making myself look, commiting all these faux-pas...

I just don't want to be alone anymore, I don't want to deal with all these things on my own and having so many doubts about if I'm doing things in the right way...

I took a look in the job forums because, well.. I -need- a job... even just a part time job, some place I can manage, where I can work while going to school maybe.. heck, even if it's just for the month before school, I need to do -something-
otherwise I'll have no money for books, and, well... I'm about $100 in debt right now from stupid credit card charges.

I have so many things I need to work on... but it feels as though if I just try and work them all out on my own, I'll just hide from things and never do anything about them again...

I can probably list off the top of my head a bunch of things I need to change or do or work on...

-I need to excersize, and try to get fit, so I'm not so unhealthy and worry that my body might fail at any time...
to have some stamina so I can actually work at a job, instead of winding up exhausted within 10 minutes and being told I'm fired.
-I need to take care of my hygene more... specifically my teeth... I have a bad habit of forgetting to brush and floss, I just can't seem to get it to stick, my breath is horrible, and that's just another damn worry that gets to me every time I consider talking to people...
-I need to do something about my driver's license... even if it's just to tell my family that I need some time and some help... that I can't just jump into it or it's only going to make it harder...
-I really need to get some sort of job... I need to figure out what to do with my resume, as I have no references and I'm nervous about talking to people from past jobs for references... I need to find places to apply to, where I can hopefully DO what they ask of me...
-I need to work on things that aren't just distractions... there are things I want to do, to learn, and gain experience with... drawing as a hobby, and programming/working with computers to find a job with what I love... that takes time and dedication, and for whatever reason I just can't get myself going or started...

maybe I should do what I'm doing here... just... starting from the bottom... find a forum, introduce myself, just... be open, about where I want to go and what I want to do... and keep posting here as I need to... just... keep communicating...

Having some anonymity is helping me come out a bit more...
the positive advice even moreso...
...and the hugs too...