So I have an appointment next week. Next week to the day actually.

Since Thursday I feel like I've been losing it. Like... legit.

I'm at work right now. Decided taking two days off in a row wasn't really... smart. So. I'm trying.

But I really can't work. My hands are SO shaky right now and my heart is actually racing out of my chest. I'm trying to calm down and every once in a while I'll be good. I mean it's not a constant thing by any means. It's kind of like... waves. If that makes sense.

The real trouble is, if I told him what I was actually thinking... or what I actually did... I think I'd go to the hospital. And I really trying to fight it. Fight it to tears really. If they ask me that "Are you a danger to yourself or others"... well I can't really say "no" to that if we're being perfectly honest.

God this took a long time to type out it seems.

So... would you wait a week... maybe it'll go away? Maybe? His office is closed today anyway. And I feel kind of lame anyway since it IS such an on-again-off-again type of thing.