I just started trying to nudge my husband into shifting our lifestyle so it will not get overwhelming when we're older and someone else wouldn't have to help us too much. I hit upon the idea that he works hard to manage our money well and I'm working to manage our lifestyle and that it is just as important. Just like we have to work to have the money for care when we become aged, we have to work to make sure we are in the right place at the right time. I remember moving my stepmother a couple times and that isn't fun for others to have to do!

Makes me realize I have to get working on my own clutter and "stuff" now; I almost envy you, Rose, because you "have to" and, hopefully, still can (do not envy you having to work on your SO's situation too). I'd make a couple folders/notebooks and separate out your own fears and difficulties from what work you want to do for your SO and challenges you see there. I cannot stand when my head gets like an angry bee hive and everything is flying around bumping into each other and impossible to swat/catch/soothe.