I'd call Nessa... it'll hopefully be better in the long run if you get some help/attention sooner rather than later.  I'm so sorry to hear that things are staying so tough for you 
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."
"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.
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