So yesterday I had a very triggering dream (no details for everyone's safety). Now I want to hurt myself. It's all I can think about. Compounded by someone in my program doing said act and going inpatient. Is it wrong to want to go inpatient? I just got out two weeks ago and already I am dreaming of the hospital. I hate this about myself. I hate not wanting to be part of normal life. Why don't I want to participate in life? All I can think about now is hurting myself. I''m actually jealous of the other girl because she COULD and I can't.

On top of this all my husband has a mass on his femur that could be cancer. I'm so scared for him. I don't want to go through that. I will be a complete wreck.

I wish life were easy lol.