My husband and I are going through a very difficult time right now and I'm hoping to get through it, but I don't have much hope for change. We've been married for 12 years and we've always had issues to deal with, however there is one or two re-occurring themes that I just can't deal with anymore.

His son, who is 18, was just diagnosed with Asperger's among a few other disorders yesterday. This got me to wonder if my husband has Asperger's as well? I see the similarities in subtle ways. But does anyone know if someone with this can also be very selfish and controlling? That's what's driving us apart right now. I can't seem to get him to understand anything from my perspective. The only thing that seems reasonable for him is if I basically remove any of my own expectations and self respect. He constantly tells me that he wants to be able to talk to me and hear him, but after 12 years, I know this means he really wants his way. For example, If we've made our mind up that his son's room will be a guest room when he goes off to college, but later, the ex wife interjects and tells us to leave the room alone for a while until the son gets settled into college (which by the way, it wouldn't matter what it is as the ex always tries every way she can to undermine anything that I've done or decided) which I would usually agree except that when my daughter went off to college, within one week she no longer had a room here.. this was my husbands decision... I fought him hard on this. This tore me up inside. So my stance is, if it was good for her then, It can be good for your son too. Ok. So, my husband and I decided to make the room a guest room but now, the kid and his mom are bearing down hard on my husband. My husband comes to talk to me and I listen to him. I can tell where the conversation is headed so I cut him off and said, yes I hear you but I'm still converting it to be a guest room... My husband goes off on me and says... why can't I just be heard? I say ok I'm hearing you, but i'm not changing my mind. This really bothers my husband because my experience has been, when he says he wants to be heard, it usually means he just wants his way.

So... Does anyone have any experience with this? I am not angry. I am really trying to understand if I am being unreasonable, except, I truly feel that if I don't watch out for myself, him and his ex and son will totally walk all over me. So I don't know much if anything about Asperger's except what I reached last night but I couldn't find much on whether or not they exhibit the need for extreme control and completely out of touch with my feelings or needs..