i detached as much as possible from mine for self protection.

my children saw her a lot and when they turned 12/13, she started treating them the way she had treated me. then when she became incapacitated, my daughters were the only grandchildren who took off work and school and would go stay a week at a time and care for her. i tried to teach them that she was "ill" and that all we could do was help out and then go our own way.

the end of her life came and i moved back home and lived with her until she died, caring for her as she had cared for me when i was a small child.

everything changed and she became grateful and more loving. of course, i still had the same wounds that she had inflicted upon me while i was growing up but i just tried to picture her as "my child".......