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Originally Posted by hankster
I think it's good you're getting in touch with those, with the adult self looking on. It's holding onto that contradiction - but yeah, I got that that was the point you were making in your post, that you had the guts now to say, you were lying to me. It's like kids finding out about the tooth fairy - sorta! You - ie the kid - only do that - can only accept it - AFTER a certain point.
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You hit the nail on the head this time, hankster.
I'm glad you understand!
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Originally Posted by skysblue
Once when my therapist did something that hurt me and was not in the best way I would expect a therapist to act, she responded by apologizing and then admitting that she is human and will make mistakes like everyone else.
And I said, "But I thought you were perfect." Of course, intellectually I know she's human and as prone to mistakes as anyone else, but my need then was for her to be 'perfect'.
I'm sure your T did not 'lie". In other words, her intention at the time was the truth at that time. As things evolved so did her understanding of your needs and she knew the necessity to change. We would hope that T's could be flexible and adjust to circumstances and not be held hostage to some words that, although well-intended at the time, were no longer useful.
And, we would also hope that no one else will hold us to the impossible standard that we sometimes hold our T's to.
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I know that my T feels bad about it because she takes her work very seriously and has told me many times that she does not want to hurt me. I like her because she's human. It's just hard for the child parts to accept the changes.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
Therapists lie and manipulate all the time. It is their job. It is what they are trained to do. They rarely admit it and when they do they blame the client or say it is because the therapist was acting for the client's behalf. They are tools to use and that is all. Trusting them for more than they are is not a good idea.
Problems arise when clients think therapists are other than that.
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stopdog, it's hard for me accept what you wrote. My T would not lie on purpose, and I still trust her. I don't think it's true that Ts lie and manipulate all of the time. I'm sorry that you have such a negative view of therapy.
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Originally Posted by Stringcheese
T's are human. It sounds like your T is inexperienced and probably did not realize the extent of your "problem" even though you told her.
Perhaps you liked that she was inexperienced because she gave into you.
Your T may do some of those things with other clients, but with you she could not and finally realized it was not working. It is like feeding a lion. Give too much or too long and your arm gets bit off.
She is not lying. She was realizing that she was not helping you and changing things. At least she seemed to recognize that her behaviors were doing more harm than good in terms of the therapy focus.
Sounds like she might have been in over her head and in her inexperience, she was easy to manipulate. As she spent more time, she changed things for you and her.
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I still believe it was not so terrible or detrimental that my T answered all of my emails at first, and let me hold her hand. I felt that "blanket of love" and it inspired me to write a beautiful poem about it.
I can read the emails and see how she cared and cares about me too. I'm trying to put it into perspective. I didn't manipulate her; she freely offered to do both those things, and I accepted. I won't ever forget that safe feeling of holding hands. I learned that I can feel that way other times too.
It's hard to give it up, but maybe, just maybe, I don't have to give it up. At the time, T said that the "blanket of love" lives inside of me, and it's available to me any time. I didn't understand back then, but it's slowly sinking in.
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Originally Posted by boredporcupine
I think there's a difference between lying and changing your mind. Lying is saying something you know to be untrue at the time you said it. Changing your mind could mean you said you would do one thing, having the full intention to do that, but then later something convinced you to do something else instead.
I think your T changed her mind. I think it's very unfortunate that she did, because it seems to have hurt you and your trust for her. I admire you for persevering in working it out with her in spite of that.
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Yes, it hurt my trust for her, but I think I'm working through those feelings now. Talking to her about it today helped a little, and maybe I have to talk about it again. You're right. She didn't lie, but changed her mind. I know my T and she is a very compassionate, caring person. I won't ever doubt that. I think today's session helped me a lot.