Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringcheese
I don't understand. You were the one who wrote that "I knew that maybe all of this was going to be hard to ever give up, but like a kid eating too much candy, I kept my thoughts to myself for a long time" and "I knew better than she did, that these things would trigger me," so how is that not manipulation?
If you knew better than she because she was inexperienced, weren't you using it to get what you need? It's not a good or bad thing, it is what happened. Many people do it probably in their lives, but the difference is that she is a T, not a person to fulfill all our needs and wants. Your pattern involved manipulation if you knew what you were doing and getting from it, more so than your T realized.
She was inexperienced and probably learned alot. If she was more seasoned, she probably would have avoided many of her behaviors from the beginning.
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I agree with all 3 of your posts in this thread, Stringcheese. From Rainbow's earliest posts, I have felt that her T seems a bit inexperienced and wishy-washy when it comes to boundaries pertaining to Rainbow's "pattern." I don't think that it's fair to say "always do X" or "never do X" when it comes to BPD or any other dx, however, I do think T's should be aware of the primary characteristics associated with their clients' dx and the profession's *general* wisdom regarding treatment. In my understanding, it's considered "common knowledge" in the psychiatric profession that clients with BPD *generally* seek as much attention, reassurance, contact, validation, and "feeling special" as they can get-- and that it is not always in the client's best interests for the T to simply provide that. Why? (1) because the need is often insatiable and (2) because it hinders the client's ability to grow and change; to develop coping skills, independence, self-validation, and the ability to learn how to get those needs met in RL. While some clients without the obsessive characteristics of BPD (or other dxs) can benefit from getting that extra contact/validation early in therapy as part of building a secure attachment to the T, when clients have those obsessive tendencies, that extra contact/validation can really spiral out of control. That's why, in my opinion, if a T is told up front, by Rainbow, that she has BPD and she has displayed obsessive tendencies towards her Ts in the past (her pattern), I think her T should have seen the writing on the wall and done things differently from Day 1. I think a lot of us who have been on the forum since Rainbow began posting (3 years ago), saw this coming right away. If we could see it, I think her T should have been able to see it as well. I also think her T has been very inconsistent with her boundaries. It's not just that she had loose boundaries and then tightened them (like a good parent or T might). Rainbow's T has gone back and forth many times on the e-mail rules, and has not been strict with Rainbow when she has violated them. I agree with Stringcheese that Rainbow has (consciously or unconsciously) manipulated her T many times in order to get her T to loosen the boundaries, give more self-disclosure, get more physical contact, slip in "therapy stuff" into scheduling e-mails, etc. I do think Rainbow is more knowledgeable about her pattern than her T seems to be, and I think Rainbow has been honest about her feelings and tendencies-- but she finds ways to get around the typical boundaries because the extra contact and validation "feels good." It's a legitimate temptation! I think it's T's responsibility to hold a tighter rope. I think that if her T was stricter about the boundaries it would force Rainbow to focus less on the T relationship and more on her RL. I think a more experienced and firmer hand might not "feel as good" initially, but it might lead to more progress.