Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringcheese
One thing I forget to add, you mention "blanket of love." The point of therapy is to find that "blanket of love" in the real world. Even if we have crappy familyies, that "blanket" could come from friends.
I think the point of T is learning to love yourself and learning to love others... and get our needs met and meet the needs of others.
A T is a teacher, a guide... not the "blanket of love" to keep forever.
They may care about our journey, but their love is conditional on the professional relationship.
A "blanket of love" should come from others that we don't pay for their services. Real love does not come with $$ attached.
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I agree with what you are expressing here except the one phrase that I have bolded. I agree that our T is like a guide, and that we need to work on finding that "blanket of love" from others in our RL. I agree that real love does not come with $$ attached. We cannot "buy" love from our therapists. However, I believe that some Ts do love us unconditionally. They are professionals, providing a service AND they love us unconditionally. However, that does not change their role in our life, and that does not change the boundaries that are in place. That does not change the fact that we still need to find reciprocal relationships with people in our RL.
For instance, I really believe that my T loves me unconditionally. And that matters to me. However, that changes nothing about the professional nature of our relationship. If I stop therapy, then I will stop having regular contact with my T. If I'm no longer paying for her services, then I no longer have access to those services and it would be unethical of her to suddenly be my "friend" instead of my T. But will she still love/care about me after I leave? Yes, she will. But how does that help me in my RL? Even if T does love me unconditionally, she is not a part of my RL. Our relationship is not fully reciprocal. I need to get that "blanket of love" elsewhere. Having T "fill in the gaps" sometimes can help, but that's only a transitional stage. The goal is to get everything you need from RL.
If I focused too much on the love I get from my T, I think that would detract from the reciprocal kind of love I get from my best friend, my dad, my sister, my other friends, and the women I date. The kind of love you get form your T can be unconditional, but it is not reciprocal in the same way as it is with people in RL. You don't have the opportunity to "give back" to your T the way you do with people in your RL, and I think you're really missing something when you aren't giving back. You aren't expanding your ability to communicate, connect, and reciprocate in the same way-- and you aren't reaping the same kind of rewards. As good as getting love from your T can feel, I think it feels a lot better to get love in RL.