I have been out of work for two years now. And it's driving me (more) insane. I worked retail for four years, did amazing, and had to leave to go into IP treatment for four months. After that I did a temp holiday retail job, and then after that, Nothing. I applied to be a live-in nanny as I have child-care experience. I went to the interview, I actually SPOKE and presented myself well verbally, which never happens. And I had to wait and wait and wait to hear if I got it or didn't.

Found out tonight, after two weeks of feeling at least semi-confident that I got it, that I did not get it. And I feel damn awful about it.

I am nearly 23. I don't have a job. My sister some how manages to get at least one interview a week (in places we've BOTH applied) even though she has a job right now. I have a diploma. I have experience. I. Don't. Get. It.

I hate myself for it. I feel stupid and weak. I walked in on my mom and sister talking and of course caught my mom saying "They need to get a ****** job" and then she looked at me and didn't even apologize. Everyone is acting like I am not trying. I have 47 active job applications out. I do at least two a day. I walk around, trying to find anything. And no one wants me.

And now, that I might have lupus, how am I ever going to even hold a job? I am damn useless. Even my mom, who constantly supports me, is believing to think so too. This is all too much stress and I feel ill.