Well yes I understand what you're all saying and well I have some news.

Me and this girl in question decided to finally cut contact after just over a year of having known each other and officially being together about 10 months. Although it was mutual, she actually made the decision because we had been meeting up occasionally and we were still in contact, she thought it probably wasn't a good idea anymore and that's the right thing to do as I didn't seem happy.

But now I suppose I'm feeing emotional still like you would with the proper ending of something like this but I guess I have to remember that I wasn't happy for some time. I'm reminiscing about our good times and how we met etc. and thinking it could have been different. I suppose this is all normal? I get thoughts and doubts like should I have given her a second chance because she made an effort the last couple of months etc. and showed me she had changed in some respects? We were meeting for the last couple of months occasionally and she was trying to things back on track with me but I just didn't feel comfortable being with her because of what happened in the past. So I don't know if part of me is now feeling guilty about letting her down and not giving this a second shot.

But ultimately I suppose, I was in an awkward situation...the risk to try things out again was maybe too much for me simply because I had a feeling that things would go back to how they were, eventually. But also maybe we just weren't right for each other on more fundamental aspects; personality, character, lifestyle etc. I don't know. Every time we did meet up I just didn't feel all that great about it, about her etc. Yet now, I'm feeling well...just sad I suppose that she's out of my life. But I also wonder how much of this is my bruised ego. As in this girl has been pursuing me and wanting things to work out for quite some time and now suddenly she's not and decided we got to cut contact completely. Deep down maybe I knew things weren't going to work out but I'm still quite upset.

I really just hope I don't look back and think I've made a mistake in letting her go. I hope one day I will be proved right and meet finally meet someone who I will be happy with.