I haven't been around for awhile. I'm doing okay but I wish I were doing better.
Haven't had a cigarette in a week. I'm not even proud of myself, though.
I'm feeling like a flub. A big fat flub taking up air and space. It amazes me how incredibly stupid I can be. Every memory I have is of me being stupid. I'm a big fat stupid flub.
I was thinking about my childhood last night and I got really mad. Why do I do this to myself? I can't do anything to change it-I'm stuck with what I had and I'll have to learn to live with it without getting so upset about it.
I remember when I was innocent of it all. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me when I went through terrible bouts of sadness and confusion but I was also somehow blissfully ignorant. I wish I could be blissfully ignorant again.