I went to bed early for me last night - a little after 9. Just absolutely wiped out by court and therapy. Mostly therapy, I think.

One of the "easier" things we talked about was how when I was little we used to go every Sunday to see my grandmother on my dad's side. On the way there, we would pass these abandoned buildings. Starting about the time I was 5 or 6, I would daydream about running away and living in those abandoned buildings. As I got older, I would plan which blanket I could sneak out the house, how much food I could take, etc. The stopping thing in my fantasy was that I didn't think I could walk that far -- it was about 30 minutes of driving to the first abandoned house. My T says that is not a "normal" fantasy, even for abused children. He says most fantasize about rescue or a loving family or that they are actually adopted and their "real" parents will come and find them. He says the fact that I fantasized about being completely alone in an abandoned building is significant and he SAYS it means the abuse was really severe. At that point, I decided not to tell him about the cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere fantasy.

Did any of you fantasize about living all alone? Finding an abandoned building and staying there? Is that really such an odd thing for a small child to think about? Honestly, rescue never seemed possible. When I did daydream about rescue, it was always ME rescuing ME. Someone else caring enough to help me seemed outside the realm of possibilities.