I'm a crap person. My head can't slow down and my friends are not being great supports for me. They all have opinions about me. They think this and they think that, they think they understand but they don't understand squat. I'm so tired of being like this and not getting peace and not being understood by anyone I know. I'm not demanding they accept everything about me or forgive me for all the things I do, I just want them to stop thinking they know how I'm supposed to get better, why I am the way I am, how I ended up here, what I am able to do and what I am not able to do, who is in more pain than I am in and who is sicker than I am and who needs meds and what meds I need and how they are going to damage me. I'm SO tired of it all and I'm tired of the arguments and I'm tired of feeling alone and I'm tired of never getting peace and I'm tired of not sleeping enough and I'm tired of being a crappy person who never has the time to do the stuff that actually matters and never has the courage to answer the people who actually care (or to stop pretending nobody cares).

I thought getting a cold would slow me down. Want to get a knife and do the dumbest **** ever but what's the point. And do you know what the weirdest part is? I feel great! But I'm pretty sure I emit an aura of self-pity that makes everyone around me think I'm a self-absorbed, victim playing fool, which again makes me wonder if I now have enough valid reasons to finally kill myself. I'm just going to wait it out.